


How Fairy Tales Begin

by lilithtorch2



Series: BuckyNat One-Shots and Short Stories [3]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel, Marvel (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers - Ambiguous Fandom
Genre: F/M, Feels, Fluff, Gen, James doesn't remember the Winter Soldier who knew Natalia Romanova or Bucky Barnes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-04
Updated: 2013-12-06
Packaged: 2018-01-03 10:06:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 2,413
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1069205
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilithtorch2/pseuds/lilithtorch2
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>James Barnes comes to terms with his missing memories and sets out to make new ones with Steve Rogers and Natasha Romanoff.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by series ending to Chuck.
> 
> I wrote parts of this series out of order, so this one might end up changing again...we'll see.

He only remembers that he was the Winter Soldier and someone named Bucky. He'd wanted to kill whoever did this to him, whoever made him forget Natasha and Steve. He'd left Natalia and Steve a note and a pack of sunflower seeds, hoping that they'll see it and look for him, even though he's made it harder for them to do it this time. At the moment he is sitting atop a building, resisting all of his murderous rages so he can think about what he lost: his identity, his personality, his friends. If he compares his life to The Doctor's, then all James can say is that he's probably on his third or fourth regeneration and that he hopes it stays that way this time. After Phil Coulson gives him a pep talk, he knows who's coming next.

"I thought you'd be here." He turns around and sees the redhead, Natasha, and the blonde, Steve walking up to him.

"I don't really remember much except something you told me, Nat."

"Yeah?" she asks, curious.

"You told me you would always find me," he admits. Even though he knows what other people are telling him about who he used to be, this is the only thing that feels real to him. "I was...counting on that."

He is no longer Bucky Barnes or the Winter Soldier. He's just James Buchanan Barnes, still trying to figure out how he fits in with Steve, Natalia, and S.H.I.E.L.D. All he knows is that Natalia and Steve are people he wants to care about and that Clint is still an asshole for forcing him to admit that his life is a lie (it's a touchy subject). He wishes he can feel close to Steve and Natalia, but bonds take time to build.

Steve now. "I don't want anything from you, okay? I just...need you to know that wherever you go, whatever you do next, I'll always be here for you." He and the redhead don't want to force James to stay here if he didn't want to. They had done everything they could.

But for James, Natasha and Steve were his anchor, a connection to a story he wanted to listen to.

"You guys...start from the very beginning again."

And they do.

The story began with Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes, two friends who wanted to join the war.

It continued with a Black Widow and a Winter Soldier, two slaves of the Red Room.

And a new chapter began with Steve, Natasha, and James, three close-knit friends.


	2. How Fairy Tales Begin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Read this chapter very carefully and remember the following, because it will be very important later and make future chapters less confusing:
> 
> 1\. Bucky Barnes - Only knows Steve Rogers from back in the 1940s  
> 2\. Winter Soldier - Only knows Natalia Romanova but doesn't think that Natalia and Natasha are the same person  
> 3\. James Buchanan Barnes - The persona that forms after the events of "I Will Always Find You." He knows that he's supposed to know Steve and Natasha, and he sort of remembers Bucky and the Winter Soldier, but that's really it.

James is glad that Steve and Natasha managed to find him once again and decides not to kill anyone (yet...maybe later?).

He knows of three different sets of memories, each of them incomplete. The first set belongs to Bucky Barnes: he remembers a brother and a childhood best friend named Steve. The second set belongs to the Winter Soldier: there is blood and killing, but there is also a beam of light, a girl named Natalia who bears a resemblance to Natasha. When James retrieves these memories from the files in his mind, it is like watching television. He knows how the plot has developed so far, but that’s just it: he’s not an active character in that storyline.

But now the third set of memories is an empty jar for him to fill. This is his and his alone to keep because he is actually participating in and directing the story. So he fills it first with his new memories of Steve and Natasha, accepting the two as a significant part of the past he can’t remember and his closest friends. He doesn’t know what will happen next, but all he knows is that he is free of the chains that bound him to Russia.

When Natasha concluded her tale, she admitted apologetically that a Director Fury was sending her on another mission, but that she would return when she could and that Steve could talk to him in the meantime. James admitted to her that he needed time as well to figure out where the Winter Soldier's and Bucky Barnes's chapters end and where James Buchanan Barnes's life begins. Before she turns to leave, he pulls her close and kisses her with the promise that they will see each other again.

He doesn't know why he just did that.

But she smiles back at him and waves as she goes, and he allows himself a small measure of hope.

After all, that's how fairy tales begin.


	3. Picking Up The Pieces

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "There's only one reason I would ever tell you my name!" And thus, the ending to this chapter was born.
> 
> Also, it's my belief that, while it might not be obvious at first, everyone has a type, whether it involves appearances, personalities, or shared interests and values.

While Natasha is away and his nightmares haven’t returned, James uses this time to get reacquainted with Bucky’s best friend and brother, Steve Rogers. They go to visit the new New York City, a place completely different from the New York City that Bucky knew.

Steve hurries through the last time he saw Bucky, the moment when Bucky fell from the train but avoids discussing the Winter Soldier. Steve and James talk about whatever James knows about Bucky and their shared childhood and dreams. Naturally, Steve leads into the women in Bucky’s life, because the Bucky he knew was always surrounded by them. Subtly acknowledging the complicated relationship between the Winter Soldier and Natalia Romanova/Natasha Romanoff, Steve remarks to James that of all the women who went in and out of Bucky’s life, Bucky always did seem to favor redheads most. After all, Bucky’s first real relationship, albeit short-lived, had been with a pretty girl named Jessica, a redhead.

Steve talks about the World Fair and mentions how it’s weird that he and James are both living this many years into the future. Who’d have thought? As Steve talks about acquaintances and friends, James realizes that there is a lot that Bucky has missed out on and now he has to put the pieces together again.

The only memory that James can tell Steve about the Winter Soldier is that Natalia/Natasha was there and that they had planned to escape Russia together, but it didn’t happen the way they wanted it to. She left first (he doesn’t mention that the Winter Soldier forced her to) and the Winter Soldier would always get brainwashed but for some reason he never forgot to look for her even if he couldn’t explain it. As for James, all he knows is that there was only one reason that Natalia would ever want to die for someone who can’t even remember her, the way she was, and that’s why he chose to defect from Russia.

Because she had faith in him.


	4. The Bracelets

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Janus" was my attempt to figure out how I'm supposed to mention Bucky, the Winter Soldier, and James in the same story.

As James and Steve walk along the streets of New York City, a small pair of braided rope bracelets hanging innocently on the jewelry stand of a street vendor catches James’s eye. Actually, it should be said that they also caught the eye of Bucky and the Winter Soldier, two personas still buried inside his mind. With quiet and encoded whispers, they persuade James to stop whatever he is doing and walk to the jewelry stand to examine the bracelets. James unknowingly does as he is told and fingers the objects thoughtfully. _This is no time for worrying_ , Bucky urges him. _We have to go after her!_ As for the Winter Soldier himself, he knows that this is a present his Natalia would have appreciated.

James, unaware that the shadows from his past are influencing him, tries to think rationally about his interest in Natasha. It’s probably been years since the Winter Soldier was separated from her. Even though she did come back for him (and he is grateful for this), James suspects from the archer’s passionate words that Natasha could have moved on by now. She had every right to. Again, Bucky tries to reach through to James and say, _Well, the worst that can happen is that she rejects you, right?_

The voices from James’s past tell him in urgent whispers to take a chance. Whether James knew it or not, he was still just like Bucky: redheads were ultimately their great weaknesses in life. Bucky would have taken extra care to do everything that was foolish in the world for the attentions of just such a beautiful girl, and the Winter Soldier himself would have impulsively killed everyone else in the Red Room, if he could, just so Natalia could keep the present.

Steve observes James carefully examining the bracelets, and swears to himself that he just saw a glimpse of Bucky in the other man’s expression. Maybe James still felt something, after all. He recognizes that his brother still harbors undiscovered feelings for yet another fiery redhead. But whatever is going on with James, Steve figures that even Bucky would have approved of Natalia. He almost calls the other man “Bucky” before he corrects himself.

“James,” Steve calls to the man, nodding toward the bracelets, “you want me to buy that for you?”

“Okay.”


	5. An Intimacy From a Past Long Forgotten

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What people say don't always match what they do! :D

After three months, Natasha reaches out to James and they sit underneath the trees in Central Park. She tells him that she and the Winter Soldier would do something like this after training each day in Russia. This is a memory James wishes he could recall, but he just can’t, unless he wants to start getting frustrated again about how he can’t remember the stories anymore.

Out of pure curiosity, James naturally asks her about the archer who forced him to remember. She gives him a confused look before she realizes what he's trying to ask her. Natasha only explains that she and the archer were close-no, they are still close, whatever the archer’s feelings for her- but they came to an understanding a long time ago that her heart was always elsewhere in a cold fairy tale she couldn’t bring herself to forget.

Bucky thinks, _This is your chance!_ James ignores that and reflects on how he didn’t believe in such nonsense at first. He can only assume that the Winter Soldier would do exactly what he is about to do, and asks for Natalia to sit closer to him; it is something he would like. Natasha, unsure at how deep their connection really is at the moment, asks him if he minds that she rest her head against his shoulder, and he motions to show that he doesn’t care either way.

That, however, is a tremendous lie. He does care. Or maybe it’s Bucky or the Winter Soldier who really cares. James has no idea. All he can do is pray hard that she doesn’t hear his heart beating rapidly inside his chest, wanting to break free.

Meanwhile, James and Natasha chat about what they’ve been up to in their time spent apart. He talks about the awe when he saw the rest of modern New York City with Steve. She grins and asks him questions about what he saw. As she speaks, she lifts her head from his shoulder and turns to him and touches him on the arm as a way to pull his attention toward her.

When they get up to explore the rest of New York City, Natasha grabs James by the arm when she wants to show him something he might like and instinctively plays with his hair. He doesn’t know her well, but for some reason he doesn’t mind her touch and her close proximity to him and he’s not sure why he is smiling. During their conversation, they share a joke, and he playfully elbows her in the arm. She elbows him back, and as they laugh together, they are holding hands. Natasha and James’s conversation might sound like that of casual acquaintances to an outsider, but if anyone observed the two carefully, he would see that their mutual gestures divulged an intimacy from a past long forgotten.


	6. Getting to Know You Again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "The Vow" was based on a real story. Totally fascinated by how the husband got his wife to fall in love with him again.
> 
> Natalia lightly tapping James's hands makes me think of "I am telling you!"...I'm not sure if this was inspired by River Song or not.

In a moment of peaceful silence, James takes something from his pockets and quietly places it in her hand. Something about the way James does it reminds Natasha of the Winter Soldier, but she reminds herself that this is James who she is talking to, and no one else.

“What is it?”

“I don’t think we were ever allowed to have permanent gifts in Russia,” he explains, speaking from the Winter Soldier’s memories. “I don’t know why, but I thought it was something we needed to have now that we’re both here.”

It is a simple gift, a braided bracelet small enough to fit her wrist. The Winter Soldier would have done the same, Natasha remembers. She almost cries at this; she and James had managed to come this far past every impediment thrown their way, and he seems to be recovering the pieces of his lost memories.

James doesn’t understand why she seems so upset. He stammers, “I happen to have two of those. If you don’t want it, I’ll wear them both myself.” He assumes that she doesn’t like his gift, and, embarrassed, he quickly makes a move to retrieve the bracelet.

Natasha laughs as her fingers lightly tap the back of his hand, assuring him that she enjoys the gift. To him, her laughter is the sound of heaven, and he knows from the Winter Soldier’s memories that this is not something that happens often. She closes her fingers on his, and her soothing words encourage James to proclaim, “I know that we used to be very close.” He recalls the memory of a young Bucky Barnes asking a girl out for the first time, and feels the nervousness behind his declaration, the simultaneous eagerness and fear of rejection.

“I would like to get to know you again. If you’ll let me.”

James can hear his own breathing as he waits in suspense for her reply, and watches as her cherry red lips curve upward in a smile. Somewhere in the back of his mind, Bucky is silently cheering and the Winter Soldier is leaning back, confident of the outcome.

 “Of course I want to get to know you again, idiot.”

She gives him a squeeze on the arm as they continue to chat, resuming their subconscious gestures and planning ahead for their future. As they talk, they forget for a moment that they are S.H.I.E.L.D. agents on the run from Soviet Russia, and are simply just a boy and a girl enjoying each other’s company.

They both knew that with enough time, Natasha and James would know each other just as intimately as the Black Widow and the Winter Soldier had.


End file.
